Hooray for Hereworth!

Written by Seuamuli Des Bentin
Monday, 21 April 2008
Alistair Campbell and I have something in common in that “We do not do God!” Mister Campbell of course was speaking in the plural on behalf of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair and himself, being Mister Blair’s press secretary at the time. I on the other hand am using the ‘royal we’ which is naturally befitting of my status as Right Royal Pain in the Butt, bestowed and recognized by a large number of my customers and near total strangers who refer to me as “King” or “Master”! Granted that I was originally confused and somewhat embarrassed when someone I hardly knew called out “Malo Master!” or “Malo King!” but I quickly recognized the need by some people to have a superior being or person in their lives, and started working on my ‘royal wave’. Popularity attracts jealousy and there are those who resent my sudden elevation to royalty and have tried to tell me that calling someone ‘King’ or ‘Master’ is just one of those inexplicable local oddities that mean nothing. Others have resorted to spreading misinformation to discredit me such as the explanation that people referred to those with access to unlimited supplies of drugs as “King” or “Master”. I think they would have, or should have said “Malo Doctor” in that case. I tend to lean towards the well developed inferiority complex explanation peculiar to a large percentage of the population who go around looking for someone or something to be subservient to. It goes without saying that I am truly humbled to have been chosen and have poured resources into developing what I believe are the ideal characteristics of such a person and have doubled my efforts to be ambidextrous with my ‘royal wave’ in anticipation of the switch from this side to the other side of the road at the latter half of next year. I have always tried to avoid saying things like “a large percentage of the population” because it is as vague and meaningless as saying that “the winners are the people”, in a statistical manner of speaking of course. However, my brother in the Samoa Bureau of Statistics has assured me that the sample they have taken for the “Suesuega o Tupe Maua ma Tupe Faaalu a Aiga 2008” survey is truly representative of the population. I do not doubt that they would have chosen a sample of the population who would honestly and voluntarily disclose information concerning their daily expenses and meals so that we could settle once and for all the debate on whether we are indeed a “model economy” as Mister Peters insisted or just a “shinning light” as a Newsline headline typo proclaimed. I am a mean swine at times but when the ladies from the Samoa Bureau of Statistics came around to inform me that I was one of the lucky people chosen to take part in their survey, I really did not intend to be mean or difficult when I confused them by saying that I was not the head of our family and that Melissa was. I was tempted to inform them that I was quite satisfied with my royal status and was very comfortable with not being the head of the family, but to address me as “King” or “Master” anyway, but they did not strike me as the humorous type. I suggested that in this century of pushing for Gender Equality and Equal Opportunities for all, they should do away with the preconceived idea that the man was automatically the head of every household. They ignored me and wrote my name down in the space marked “Igoa o le Ulu o le Aiga” anyway. There’s another fish full of bones for you edumacated guys to sort out. There is much more to filling in simple statistical information forms that can get very complicated when the world is so hell bent on being Politically Correct. Chuck in the religious interpretations and I visualize forms of the future without an unnecessary reference to a head of the family anyway, as a compromise. Hereworth College in the Hawke’s Bay was on the New Zealand TV One News for an education program that is widely seen as not being Politically Correct or PC, where they are reportedly aiming to stop the feminization of boys and men. I did not see anything remarkably different in what they were doing from what happens daily at our village primary school. Our version is much cheaper of course but my only concern sometimes is that someone might get hit in the eye with the nonu fruit that the boys – and some girls – use for a rugby ball during play time. We do all the same stuff teaching “honesty, integrity, initiative and unselfishness and encourage self-esteem, good work habits, discipline and sound Christian values”. Can anyone tell me what is so not Politically Correct about that? I think all the indications are that the politically correct agenda is wrong and should be abandoned. I certainly hope it doesn’t get to Mata the Kama’i Meauli’s Magiagi Primary School any time soon. Have a nice one folks! Comments (0) Subscribe to this comment's feed Write comment Name Email Title Comment

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