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Big Fish That Didn’t Get Away!

Written by Seuamuli Des Bentin
Tuesday, 20 May 2008
I saw a picture of Tina Ausage and her big masimasi on the front page of the Samoa Observer the other day and was impressed. Ian came by for his usual, glanced at the same picture and reeled off a list of facts about the masimasi/mahimahi/dolphin fish/dorado, which left me very well informed and even more impressed! According to him, the particular masimasi Tina caught, at more than 16 kg, was a very good fish because they rarely weighed maybe a couple more kilograms fully grown, was a female, and would have definitely weighed more if it had been getting enough food to eat. As impressive as all the facts were, I wanted to know more about why Tina’s fish had not been feeding well and starving, if indeed it had been. Is there a shortage of squid, mackerel and other small fish that the masimasi feed on out there? I can tell you the condition to expect a female wild pigeon to be in at different times of the year and why we shouldn’t hunt them when they are fat and plump, but I’m not sure if the same applies to the masimasi or fish in general. I might be wrong but I don’t think the commercial fishermen wait for the fish to finish spawning before they go in with the nets and stuff. But whatever the reason why Tina’s big masimasi looked a bit skinny, I hope she won a prize for it! I have been particularly alert lately due to a strict dietary regimen which involves the nightly purging of anti-oxidants from the body with at least three large bottles of Vailima. This explains why I also noticed the Newsline front page story last Friday about “cultural unity at Magiagi Primary School”. I have spent the last few days trying to justify pulling my son Mata the Kama’i Meauli from Magiagi Primary School. As far as I can see, he and the rest of the students seem to be from different cultures or even planets. They have very little in common. As usual, I blamed Melissa for not being a profuse breeder, which would have solved the problem of one child not having friends with common interests when entering a new environment. People have called me over-protective and should leave Mata at Magiagi Primary School where he will only get tougher. After being slammed into by a much bigger boy without any warning and for absolutely no logical reason, I was looking really hard for any sign of acquired toughness from this incident, but my little guy did not look very different really except for the blood pouring out of his nose. I believe in letting boys be boys but these guys need constant supervision because inflicting pain on others seems to be part of their normal school day if not their “culture” day! Reading about former New Zealand Immigration Division Head Mary Anne Thompson reminded me that I still haven’t replied to an e-mail from Flossie Harden who declared that she could get me a “Bacheelor, MasteerMBA, and Doctoraate diplomas available in the field of your choice that’s right, you can even become a Doctor and receive all the benefits that come with it!” Damned good deal I thought! She goes on to claim that “Our Diplomas/Certificates are recognized in most countries. No required examinations, tests, classes, books or interviews.” I have always despised examinations of any kind, spent a lot of bribe money on tests, and spit on classes, books and interviews. Of course complete confidentiality is assured. With no physical address except for a phone number that will be answered by a voicemail, you can be assured that no one will dob you in as a fake if they tried to check up on the validity of your degree. It is not as prestigious as the London School of Economics of course but that “Dr” in front of your name is pronounced the same whichever store you bought it from. You just have to make sure that they get the spelling right. It would be a dead giveaway otherwise, wouldn’t you think? Have a nice one folks! Comments (0) Subscribe to this comment's feed Write comment Name Email Title Comment

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