How wrong can you be about somebody? Just when I had decided that Gus C. is by far the most astute of media commentators on local issues in the newspapers, who obviously undertakes exhaustive research into his chosen topics for factual content and accuracy down to the minutest of details, he goes and gets it all wrong in his “Edict of the church of Baloneyology”! (Samoa Observer 02/11/2007).
Every serious Baloneyologist or Student of Baloneyology knows that like every other church that was set up for the sole purpose of making the founder a lot more money than he would ever have made “writing for three pence a word”, the original story needed numerous reviews and alterations throughout the years. As the masses became educated and the converted became skeptical, the Loyal Officers found that the alien story was getting harder and harder to sell and new believers and converts were mostly “on something” and were pretty spaced out them selves to believe without question the effectiveness of 3D movies to hypnotize without the benefit of Dolby Stereo Surround Sound. Worst of all was the fact that most of these devotees were very high maintenance with themselves not having much money.
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The target market shifted to the more affluent and those more easily persuaded to part with whatever little money they had either earned from selling Super Glue or had been remitted to them from relatives overseas using clever but expensive electronic Zip Zap Cards. But first Benu had to go. And this is where I must say that I was quite disappointed with Gus C’s failure to find during his research that the latest revision of the original story on the origins of Baloneyology has wholesale alterations removing any reference to the above named. But I suppose Gus could be forgiven for not being privy to the latest version because only a favored few with Spielberg-like imaginations have access to a copy. Pegu (pronounced Pengu with a light “ng” as in bling!), son of Fa’amaoni (no relation to the Tokelauan pastor credited with the refusal of more than 33% of that country’s live-in population to embrace Independence and let go of Mama Aotearoa New Zealand’s ample skirts as encouraged to by The United Nations, to be eligible for benefits that those in the know say far exceed any luxuries and other benefits real or imagined that they currently enjoy in their present status of New Zealand dependent colony or something very similar), from a village to the west of the Apia Town Clock (made famous for its un-Clock like behavior by a Cook Islands journalist who probably guessed correctly that she would get more attention by writing about the negatives she encountered in Samoa during the recent South Pacific Games than if she was to join the multitude who sang its praises), is now the Terrestrial responsible for everything the church of Baloneyology stands for! No more aliens in the story just like another church founder and his loyal followers quickly revised their church’s founding principles concerning the rights of black and colored people to Salvation and Everlasting Life when they realized that it was religiously and economically prudent to do so. Pegu Fa’amaoni was now The Man! Among his ‘good’ deeds is the push for WTO membership which most commentators think is not going to live up to its selling points as promoted by the big players with more to gain from it than us, with legacy exports we cannot find markets for, regardless of how much more knowledgeable we get about how to use the knowledge we already have. It is also a little known fact that Pegu Fa’amaoni is behind the total belief by some world leaders that “a few should be allowed to get rich now so that more will be rich later”. It is a much more persuasive and believable variation on the “trickle down effect” which could easily, if albeit a mite unfortunately for die-hard supporters, be translated to mean that pee from the top always gets more concentrated, is cold and has lost its comforting warmth by the time it gets to those at the bottom! And “later” of course is an elusive time frame that could mean anything from “tonight” to “a long time from now” or more likely than not for most of us, “never”! But Pegu is absolutely convinced that the long term benefits are well worth the sacrifice and discomfort. Sort of like circumcision, which he wouldn’ know anything about being a Baloneyologist. But we know what he means eh? When it comes to Baloneyology, you just say whatever it takes. It wouldn’ be Baloney otherwise! But just before you go rushing off to find out how you could improve your chances of surviving a Tongan Trench generated tsunami or a direct hit from a worldwide oil shortage by being more knowledgeable about how to use the knowledge you already have, let me confuse the issue just that wee bit more by saying that if The Cure sang that “boys don’ cry”, what’s her name from The Black Eyed Peas had a huge hit singing that “big girls don’ cry”, and Baloneyologists never cry because they never fail at anything, does that mean that “boys”, “big girls” and “Baloneyologists” are one and the same thing? Have a nice one folks!
Some deep meaningless thoughts from me. written by GC,
November 07, 2007
I bow down to your chi of employing deft subtleties on the big fat white elephant in the room. But, as an avid follower of Baloneyology with our lord of the Loyal officers, one is troubled with the cognitive dissonance associated with the advent of the great prophet, Red Bull and also that of the mass appeal of Baloneyology, mainly, the lack of it. Should one who is convinced of the truth of Baloneyology lay out the cold blunt facts about the church in the hope of winning more converts or be content with the word gymnastics in the hope that some brain cell somewhere flips to the other side and see Baloneyology for what it is?
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The great tribulation is upon us.