Toolong and Boring!

Written by Seuamuli Des Bentin
Monday, 10 March 2008
Back in the nineteen eighties when my friends were investing in twenty-acre lifestyle blocks, I got it all wrong again and went in search of a lifestyle disease instead. They sounded just as up-market and glamorous and were well within my price range. And it did not involve having to learn any new tricks or skills. Most lifestyle diseases were the direct result of smoking, alcohol, drug abuse and lack of exercise. I was way past the drug experimentation stage which taught me beyond a shadow of doubt that I was not, and would not like to be, a vegetable, and the weekend trips into the hills to check out the wild life probably qualified as regular exercise. This of course meant that I had to work twice as hard on the smoking and drinking part for a “positive outcome”. There was also another lesser known lifestyle disease called chronic television soap opera watching, but my television set at the time was a full-time pot plant stand which was only switched on for Big League soccer on a Sunday afternoon. After the Springbok tour of 1981, it would take a few years and the rise of La’auli Michael Jones as the best number 7 in the world for rugby to be watched again on that faithful Thorn TX9 television set. Newsline Newspaper Catch up with News. Grab a Newsline today. Only $2 tala. Available at all leading retail stores. Most people immediately think of marijuana, ice and cocaine when we mention drugs. What is an “anabolic steroid Class A” drug? How about Human Growth Hormone or HGH? If it “increases muscle growth, burns off body fat quickly and speeds up the healing of injuries” {David Eimer The Sunday Telegraph : China Sells Banned Olympic Drugs To U.K. Newsline Friday 07/03/2008) without turning me into a walking cabbage, I would like some of that too. You could smoke marijuana by the truckload, which can result in loss of muscle mass, eat heaps of fatty foods and be obese, get drunk and fall off chairs injuring yourself and fix them all with a shot of HGH. At about thirty English Pounds for a vial containing enough for five doses of the stuff, that is about twelve Tala per dose. And you could get a discount for bulk orders! How many doses do you need each day as a pick-me-up or before taking part in a sporting event or competition? The Sunday Telegraph story certainly makes it quite feasible for athletes even in the remotest corners of the world to have access to performance enhancing drugs. But as some commentators have pointed out already in regards to multi-million dollar product endorsements that make multi-millionaires of Olympic champions and professional sportspeople in the developed world, it is quite ridiculous for third world athletes to take banned drugs and cheat for financial gain. But think of the glory, the adulation, the best seat on the bus to kua! But what of the coaches who now share almost equal star billing with their star pupil? Would it not be tempting for them to slip their athlete a little something to help them achieve and live their dream? Successful coaches demand big fees, as well as enjoy prestige and honor in sporting circles. If their athletes and pupils succeed, their coaching market value increases. If they are involved in drug cheating and their star athletes with a little hormone assistance do not get caught, they are the toast of the sporting world. If the athlete is caught, it is very difficult to prove that the coach was involved. There could be a long boring television series in there don’t you think? Malaki the talented athlete from a poverty stricken background at some South Pacific island location, trained by Sheila the rich and ambitious socialite who is interested in much more than just his rippling muscles if only he would take his headgear off so she could whisper sweet nothings in his ear, with the required soapy triangle completed by Rocky the self-made millionaire with the minders who could get you anything from palolo to Human Growth Hormone at any time of the day or night for a little cooperation. Rocky of course is jealous of Malaki and would love to go a few rounds with Sheila but she is smitten with Malaki the South Pacific Slugger. Riveting stuff. Think we could start a television soap production industry here? We don’t have the money? We’re back to that again aren’t we? Have a nice one folks! Comments (1) Subscribe to this comment's feed good writing bro!!! written by emo, March 11, 2008 malo tusitusi Leaupepe,,malo faamalosi,,e tauia lava le taumafai o na o le alofa i tupulaga faiae ia saogalemu o latou tiute i le lumanai,,,alofa tele atu mo oe le uso ma le faletua ma le fanau,,the friends of the captain cook and the gardens pub in Dunedin NZ Write comment Name Email Title Comment
Last Updated ( Monday, 10 March 2008 )

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